You’ve probably already heard this in the news. On January 20th, 2023 at 2 AM (PT), Google laid off 12K employees with an email.
That morning, when one of my reports texted me to ask if he needed to go into the office, my brain didn’t register what he meant. I thought perhaps he was informing me he needed to take a sick day. Within minutes, a storm of texts blew in from my colleagues asking if I still have a job. Naturally, I thought perhaps I accidentally sent a personal email to the entire company by mistake. I opened my work laptop, then the news hit me. Holy shit my job has been eliminated along with my entire team. Just like that.
Panic, nausea, anger, and sadness all made their appearances. They pranced around hogging the spotlight. Dammit, I was not able to get rid of their persistent presence no matter how much I meditated. The inner me was screaming at the top of her lungs, with F-bombs and S-bombs going off like fireworks.
I don’t want a life lesson right now. I don’t want to practice being gentle, understanding, compassionate and grateful. No, not right now. I want to have a moment to vent, to let my rage out. The survival-oriented, reptilian brain part of me quickly and diligently worked on my resume to get ready for the job hunt. It’s a big world out there with a lot of highly qualified workers bidding for the same jobs. On average, the job I was interested in had 200 applications minimum. One job had over 1.5K applicants. Slim chance for me, when VP level folks were competing to get that interview as well. The experience felt like getting dumped from a long-term relationship (15 years with Google) and the rebound did not go as smoothly as I had hoped. I sat with my self doubts, quietly reflecting. Simply put, I was not ready to lose my cushy job and my feelings were hurt. I sounded a lot like a toddler just then.
Whether it was a sign or just me being tired of job hunting, I turned back to my happy place where I could be free and be truly magical: creating art. Yes, I am capable of managing a project, running a successful program and inspiring my team as a people manager. But right now, my soul is thirsty for vibrant vitality and enlivened joy, which is the uttermost important role for me–not hiding behind my job title or the company I work for. My soul work has just begun.
Epilogue:
The day of the layoff, my daughter wrote this letter to Google.
